Sheikh Khairul Alam is 50 years old. He was often subjected to physical and emotional abuse by his wife. He tried to endure for the sake of the family, but eventually it was too much to cope with. Unable to bear the torture, he approached various human rights organisations and centres who help battered women. But no one agreed to stand by him; the organisations claimed that they work only with women’s abuse cases, not on men’s. In response, Sheikh Khairul Alam formed the Bangladesh Men’s Rights Foundation for overlooked victims like him. Through this organisation, male victims receive legal support in their battles against domestic violence.

Recently, a study by this organisation revealed that almost 80% of married men in Bangladesh are victims of emotional abuse.1

Many of them do not disclose it for fear of social shame. Human rights activists in Bangladesh also assert that within a

marriage, physical abuse against men is not uncom- mon. According to the Bangladesh Manabadhikar

Bastabayan Sangstha (BMBS) database, in 2015, at least 500 men allegedly mistreated by their wives contacted them for advice to continue their family life without harassment from their spouses. BMBS demands legal protection for all victims irrespective of gender.

20

Konrad Adenauer Stiftung, Media Programme Asia ARTIQULATE #05

According to Section 3 of The Domestic Violence Act 2010, domestic violence is defined as ‘physical

abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse, or eco- nomic abuse against a woman or a child of a family

by any other person of that family with whom the victim is, or has been, in family relationship’. From this definition it is clear that the law ignores a man’s status as a victim of domestic violence. As the Act overlooks domestic violence against men,

it deprives them of seeking legal help in case of do- mestic abuse. A writ petition was filed with the High

Court Division of Bangladesh early in 2024 seeking amendment of Section 375 of the Penal Code, 1860, to replace the word ‘woman’ with ‘person’. But the attempt was unsuccessful. In the case of domestic harassment of women, there is additional legislation that offers protection

such as the Women and Children Repression Pre- vention Act, 2000, and provisions of the Penal Code,

1860. But no legal acts protect the rights of male vic- tims of domestic abuse.

According to Engineer Farooq Sajed, General Secretary of Bangladesh Men’s Rights Foundation, mental and physical abuse and discrimination against male victims in Bangladesh has now become a prominent social issue. There are organisations which purport to be dedicated to protecting the rights of all in Bangladesh—women, children, the third gender, and even animals. But not men. Men in Bangladesh are now so vulnerable that if a case or complaint is filed against anyone, he will be put behind the bars without any investigation.2

Usually, when a woman is oppressed in our so- ciety, we blame the patriarchy. Now the question is,

what is patriarchy? Does it mean dominating and oppressing women? If that is the case, is matriarchy the opposite of patriarchy? Matriarchy is a system where women play a major role in decision-making in the family. Oppressing or neglecting the men of her family is not a precursor in order to do this. She takes the necessary steps to live peacefully with the household, makes decisions on the basis of mutual understanding. On the other hand, feminism is a movement. This movement works towards a social system that does not oppress women or men but supports the

freedom of women to live their lives based on po- litical rights, respect, power, and equality. In short,

neither matriarchy nor feminism aim to oppress or rule over anyone. In both systems, women ask for peace in society, family, and themselves. As a result, the question arises: if men are abused, dominated, or oppressed by women, then what is the name of this?

According to modern sociologists such as Dr Abdul- lah Al Mamun Hussain, Department of Psychiatry,

From this definition [by The Domestic Violence Act 2010] it is clear that the law ignores a man’s status as a victim of domestic violence. As the Act overlooks domestic violence against men, it deprives them of seeking legal help in case of domestic abuse. A writ petition was filed with the High Court Division of Bangladesh early in 2024 seeking amendment of Section 375 of the Penal Code, 1860, to replace the word ‘woman’ with ‘person’. But the attempt was unsuccessful.

Rajshahi Medical College and Professor Bokhtiar

Ahmed, an anthropologist at the University of Ra- jshahi, it is also a form of patriarchy.

Patriarchy literally means ‘the rule of the father’ and comes from the Greek ‘patriarkhēs’, meaning ‘father’, and is a compound of ‘patria’, ‘lineage, family, fatherland’ and ‘domination, authority, sovereignty’. In sociology, ‘patriarchy’ is used to refer to a social system where men hold a disproportionately large share of social, economic, political, and religious power, and inheritance usually passes down the male line. Several writers in Bangladesh also use the word ‘patriarchy’ interchangeably with ‘oppression’ and or the aggressive behaviour of men. Nowadays,

patriarchy is often associated with dominating be- haviour predicated on the oppression of others, es- pecially women, and this is the form of patriarchy

being discussed in this article. A patriarchal man or woman wants to keep all the power for themself— his or her self-centered thinking and disregard for

21

ARTIQULATE #05 Konrad Adenauer Stiftung, Media Programme Asia

others’ opinions could arguably make him or her an authoritarian.

All over the world, including the Indian subcon- tinent, men dominate women in many ways. From

everyday sexism to violence against women, all sorts of heinous acts occur. Every day we see such reports in the media. Such incidents happen in front of us. As a result, numerous institutions have been formed around the world to support women against patriarchy. The United Nations also has specialised

organisations for the protection of women and chil- dren. There are dedicated courts in various countries

which preside solely over criminal cases regarding violence against women and children. Yet, these institutions are not enough to eradicate violence against women, such is the degree to which the roots

of patriarchy are embedded in our society. In addi- tion, or perhaps consequently, there is little protec- tion or support offered to male victims of patriarchy.

Peaceful coexistence between men and women

requires compassion, appreciation, respect, and mu- tual understanding. Within the patriarchal hegemo- ny, we know that most of the time men do not take

these things into consideration in the case of women,

Usually, men are reluctant to disclose their troubled situation due to the expectations of their masculinity, especially when it involves their wives behaving in a patriarchal manner. (...) They will silently endure emotional and physical abuse to avoid disgrace. At the same time, women also tend to keep the matter secret to avoid disrespect to family and society—it would not do to have married a weak man.

which leads to marital discord. Usually, men are re- luctant to disclose their troubled situation due to the

expectations of their masculinity, especially when it involves their wives behaving in a patriarchal manner. Men hide their problems for fear of being humiliated by society and family; how can they maintain their reputation when it is their wives who

dominate over them? As the patriarchal social sys- tem has a strong presence in Bangladesh, the issue

is very sensitive for men. They will silently endure emotional and physical abuse to avoid disgrace. At the same time, women also tend to keep the matter secret to avoid disrespect to family and society—it would not do to have married a weak man.

It is generally believed that men are mostly re- sponsible for divorce in Bangladesh. But in many

cases, wives are also to blame for domestic violence and divorce. I interviewed a few men and women to better understand the matter. Pseudonyms have been used for all accounts as none of the interviewees wanted to be identified. The first interviewee is Mirza, who claims to be very tired of marital strife. He has no doubts about his wife’s love for him, but the relationship has its challenges. He is the only son in the family, and his unmarried sister is still living at home. Currently, his father is unemployed; Mirza is the sole breadwinner of the household. His wife wants to separate from

the family. But Mirza asks, how can he leave his par- ents? Where will they go? How can he send his sister

away without the means to support herself? This is

the main source of tension in the marriage. Conse- quently, his wife acts out in front of other members

of his family. She berates him in various ways on minor issues and leaves the house without telling him, a clear act of defiance and insult in patriarchal

Bangladesh. He has tried to come to an understand- ing on multiple occasions, but she does not want to

understand him. Imran is similarly worn out by domestic discord.

He is a government employee with a monthly sala- ry of BDT20,000 and lives in Dhaka, while his wife

lives with the family in the village. The main reason for Imran’s unrest is the excessive demands of his wife. She wants to buy a new dress every month, and does not want to have any discussion about it. Imran is harassed by her if he is late to fulfill her demand.

If he is, she often blocks his mobile number in re- taliation. It is difficult for Imran to run a family of

six with the little money he makes. He is exhausted

with the expenses of the family and the mental tor- ment from his wife. I spoke with Imran’s wife Shanta.

She said, ‘When Imran gives his parents money for expenses, there is no shortage. But there are many excuses to buy something for his wife. None of my

22

Konrad Adenauer Stiftung, Media Programme Asia ARTIQULATE #05

desires were fulfilled in my father’s house. What is the value of my married life if my husband can’t

fulfill my desires?’ At one stage, Shanta said, ‘I un- derstand he doesn’t earn a lot. But sometimes I get

very angry with him. Because of this anger, I act out. It’s not that I do it intentionally, but I want to make him miss me. Understand me. But when the anger subsides, I remove Imran’s number from the block list. I also speak to him normally.’ These are not isolated cases, and the situation will

not improve without a change in attitude both so- cially and legally.

This article is not for or against women or men. No one wants women to be subjected to violence because of patriarchal attitudes. There are various laws for the protection of women, although there is progress to be made. But if a woman commits the same violence towards a man, he does not have the same support, both socially and legally. This needs

to change. Everyone should be protected against do- mestic violence, regardless of their gender.